This whole weight loss – getting healthy – aging thing ain’t for sissies. That much I know. Other thing I’ve learned is: Exercise is medicine. I’m not sure why it’s taking me 56 years to get that – but I’m just getting it. It doesn’t mean I love it but I do like the benefits […]

I realized I’m fat because I’m scared. I’m scared I’m going to die. I’m scared of exercising because I’m scared of falling, injury, heart attack. If I don’t exercise and lose weight I am going to die. I scared of dying. I. Scared of dieting. I’m just scared. It’s too over whelming to think about […]

Food is going to kill me. Lack of food is going to kill me. Too much food is going to kill me. Why can’t I just have the option to stop eating like the alcoholic or drug addict had the option of abstaining from drugs.

I was sitting in a restaurant with a friend catching up and I watched a morbidly obese older man shuffling towards the door. It was evident that he was in a lot of pain as he made his way to the door. He huffed and he puffed and I worried he was not going to […]

I made a commitment to be at the pool three days a week with a personal pool trainer. I am terrified about getting into the water again with this fucking goddamn bag. And I suppose it wouldn’t be so bad because it’s now a part of me but I can’t control my output, or anything […]

If anybody can give me some helpful hints about breaking the sugar habit I’m all ears.

What’s the old AA saying: “If you don’t want to slip stay out of slippery places.” For me that would mean don’t eat pretty much anything that’s white: Sugar, flour, rice, milk, ice cream, sour cream, egg nog, pasta. And processed foods. And deep fried foods. Then there’s portion control. I feel hungry all the […]

I’ve been thinking a lot about my dad today. Tomorrow is Father’s Day – and he’s dead. He died on January 20, 2016. This will be the third Father’s Day without him. He didn’t particularly like Father’s Day – or his birthday – or really anything that focused on commemorating him. He just wasn’t that […]

I climbed upon the scale today for yet another doctor. Sigh. I’m officially down 66.2 pounds. My all time high was 374.6. I’m at 308 pounds. I wish I were at 298 pounds. I know. I didn’t put it in over night.

(This was a place holder originally for June 1st) Several times a day I say to myself- “You can do this. Three pounds a week times 52 week is 156 pounds. It’s doable.” I am then motivated for like seven seconds. Fuck. Break it up in five pound increments. That’s like 33 increments of 5 […]