Goodbye 2018. Hello 2019. And I wish I could take a shit.

I’m not going to pretend 2018 was fabulous because it wasn’t. So much stress, strife and anxiety as well as loss.

Many people around me died that didn’t have to die.

One of my closest friends died- I healthy vegetarian, the kindest woman in the world, hit by not only cancer but three kinds of cancer. Not fair, heinous, ridiculous, and none of it made sense. Randomly hit with three kinds of cancer.

My aunt died this year – and even though she was elderly it was a reminder to me that other family members have lost parents, our family is dwindling and getting smaller. The matriarchs of our family are aging, and before I know it it’ll be my turn to be the matriarch of my family and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.

Another friend has been in the hospital for a very long time with the same kind of bowel issues I had – and I worry for her. I want her to beat this. And I want her to be able to be upright and back on a motorcycle was she belongs. She’s absolutely amazing and doesn’t deserve any of this.

Another friend died at the age of 47 leaving a family behind. Senseless.

The sister of another good friend has been hit with cancer – it just needs to fucking stop.

Another friend said goodbye to my friend on Friday and peacefully passed away. It’s like we are swimming in death.

Family infighting just makes me so sad. It’s easier to forgive then it is to hold a grudge but I don’t think they are getting that.

Two job losses. Back to back. Layoffs and acquisitions – when you’re older it seems like you’re the target💔

Depression, anxiety, and being overwhelmed. Need I say more? Too many of those I love are afflicted with depression, anxiety, being overwhelmed, overstretched, and just not able to take a breath.

We sincerely all need a break and I wish I had a magic wand to cast calmness over all of them.

I just wish my house would sell. That would be one less burden.

The state of our United States abysmal and incredibly scary right now.

Health issues – I’m once again working hard at losing weight, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. The scale doesn’t want to move down. I’ve been hit hard with diabetes right between the eyes, along with three other autoimmune disorders, and already I am ostomy patient. It makes dieting really really hard. Three injections a day of insulin, adjusting the diet, attempting to incorporate exercise, and oral medication – it’s all a lot.

And what I would give to be able to sit on the can, with a book or a magazine, feet firmly planted, and just the ability to take a peaceful shit.

Truly you don’t know what you’re missing until you can’t do it anymore.

Sigh.

No more family issues. No more health issues. May the jobs and benefits to be plentiful. May we be happy and love, prosper, enjoy, and have the most amazing health on the planet. And please allow me to make it through my trialperiod with the state so I can be there 100% firmly planted as a permanent employee with all of the protections that go with that.

Please 2019 be kind us this year. We are all very tired.